


JB is Best at being a pug

by Ramtops_Witch



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, M/M, Pug Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-04-06
Packaged: 2018-03-21 13:51:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3694679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ramtops_Witch/pseuds/Ramtops_Witch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So pugs are not hunting dogs or herding dogs. Pugs are always and only companion dogs. JB is a good therapy dog to his poor traumatised humans. Humans are also doing human things. Like not petting JB. Silly humans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	JB is Best at being a pug

Human puppy was climbing on him and playing with his tail. Since she was just uncurling it and giggling and not pulling JB stayed still and let her. It made human puppy happy, and puppies needed patience. Human Mummy came in and made human noises at the puppy, and approving noises at JB, ruffling his ears. JB was the best at taking care of puppies. Mummy didn't have to worry about puppy while JB was on the job. JB could fetch lost toys, and be pet, and run around, and be pettable, and alert when strange interlopers approached. JB was a good boy, Best human always said so. JB took good care of all of his humans. Sometimes human Mummy was sad, and loud noises scared her. So JB was quiet and alert, and pressed himself to her knees when she got scared, so she'd know he was there and would keep her safe. JB was strongest, no one would hurt his humans while he was there.

 

Human puppy was the easiest. She would play with JB, and give him kisses. When she cried the other humans could make her stop, and JB would stay with her the whole time, just in case. When Human Mummy cried she would try to be quiet, covering her mouth, her face. JB had to listen carefully for the hitched breathing. When he heard it, or smelled tears, he would jump up on the bed with her. The bed was very high, but JB was strongest and could do it in a few tries. Sometimes Mummy would pick him up though, because she was a good human, and she would hold him close and cry into his fur. JB would let her. He didn't understand why she was hurt, but she was and he'd take care of her.

 

Best human was the hardest, because he didn't always make sense. Sometimes he would smell sad but be punching and kicking his toys. Sometimes he would seem angry but cry. JB tried to help by bringing his own toys to share, and showing Best how to behave. Sometimes Best would cry in his sleep, and JB had to come up and lick his face until he stopped and made better noises. Humans were hard work, and needed a lot of looking after. JB took his duties seriously. Best got scared sometimes too, but he mostly needed to make sure that Mummy and Puppy were okay. No one had been there to take care of them before, but they had JB now. JB would come and get Best human if the others needed him. JB was smartest.

 

***

JB and Best human were going to work. Best needed to do human things, and JB needed to sit with the furless human and watch. He needed to be quiet and good. Normally he would stay and take care of the pack while Best was gone, but when they went to work where JB lived when he was a puppy, he had to be quiet and obedient and stay. Staying was hard. Staying meant Best went and got hurt and JB couldn't go with him and take care of him. Staying was the worst.

 

Sometimes the furless human, who had taken care of JB when he was a little puppy before he found Best human, would pet him and give him treats and tell him he was a good boy. The furless human was a smart human, but he always smelled tired. JB took a nap to show him how. It didn't work very well, but he was determined. Furless human would learn if he was shown enough. He was a smart human.

 

Errol's human came in, but Errol didn't seem to be by her side. In his absence JB took the initiative to press against her legs in a welcoming manner. She bent down to pet behind his ears. Errol had her well trained. “Have we heard from Eggsy?”

 

JB's ears perked up at the sound of Best human's name.

 

“I have Vivian monitoring his footage. So far we haven't found any leads as to who is eliminating politicians, although I do believe we have profiled the victims.” Furless took a sip of his tea, “So far all of the deceased have expressed...unfortunately prejudiced opinions—racism, sexism, homophobia, abelism, etc. Frankly if the world wasn't already in a complete disarray I'd be tempted to cheer them on.”

 

When Best human did not magically appear JB returned to sniffing Errol’s human’s shoes to check where she’d been and how Errol was doing.

 

“You would not.” Errol’s human continued to make human noise at Furless.

 

“I would certainly be tempted. Anyway, we can't allow this sort of vigilantism to run amok, so it's a moot point.”

 

“Are we certain it's organized? I mean, it could be just be a coincidence, people could be fed up with dealing with that nonsense and taking the law into their own hands.”

 

Errol’s human picked him up, pulling him away from his important investigation, but he liked up so he didn’t complain. 

 

“We're not sure if it's an individual or a group, but all of the deaths have shown a certain similarity. The methodology may vary, but whoever is doing this knows what they're doing. The deaths are...neat. Precisely executed. Most likely military or intelligence background, a group could have been cut off in the confusion and gone rogue, but Eggsy is having trouble finding anything, so someone must be covering their tracks.”

 

Bored, JB wiggled in the arms of Errol’s human and nudged her to start petting him. Humans should spend less time making noise and more time petting him.

 

***

When Best human came home he was clearly tired, he smelled of weird places and strange people. JB rubbed himself against Best so he'd smell of JB. Best patted him on the head before climbing into bed. JB jumped onto his stool and then onto the bed and climbed onto his pillow. Best pet him, holding him close. “Harry would've caught 'em by now.” He told JB, sounding lost, “I'm just not built for this Batman stuff ya know? Give me a bunch of goons in a secret mountain base and I'm gold, but all this investigating and stuff. I feel like I'm just walking around looking at stuff and hoping one of Merlin's bunch'll twig to somethin'. A tiny robot with a camera could do the job.” JB snuggled close. Best was making distressed noises. JB would take care of him until he was better.

 

Eventually Best fell asleep. JB climbed on his chest. Tonight would be a Bad night, Best would need him close. JB had best get as much sleep in as he could, he had a lot of work in front of him. It was a good thing he was best at this.

 

***

JB stayed home while Best went out forever. JB worried that Best was gone forever, but he was good and patient and took good care of Mummy and Puppy. He waited at the door and the window for Best to come home and only whined a little. He was so very good. He was waiting Sooooooo long. It had been forever since Best was home. He was clearly dead and gone forever and JB would never ever see him again. He jumped in Mummy's lap and gave her his saddest eyes. "I miss him too JB, but he'll be back soon." Best was gone forever. He was never coming back, just like Best's favorite never came back.

 

***

Ages passed. Time stood still and the world was empty and cold. And then. And then came the most momentous and wonderful of days. The day that would live on in history. Best human came home! He came home, he came home and everything was wonderful again. Glorious was the day and joyous. Best human came home and JB jumped excitedly around his feet until Best picked him up. Putting his paws on Best's chest he happily licked his face. Best laughed, "JB stop." JB stopped, because he was a good boy, and he wiggled with excitement. "I missed you too." Best carried him to the kitchen. Everything was good again.

 

***

Best brought him in to work again, as JB trotted carefully ahead of him he stopped. Interloper! JB stopped short. Who was this interloper? JB sniffed again. He knew this scent. It was strange but not unknown. Who? Best human's favorite! Best human's favorite was hurt again, and smelled strange, but he was here!

 

JB gave an excited bark and ran inside. Best human's favorite was here! He was on a very high bed. To high to jump on. He seemed to be attached to it by a leash. JB had to wear a leash sometimes, when they went out for walkies. He didn't need a leash because he was a good boy, but sometimes he wore one anyway. Maybe Best human's favorite was going walkies. He seemed pretty hurt for walkies.

 

JB ran back to Best. Best would definitely be happier now that JB had found his favorite. He'd found him all on his own and now Best would be happy and play and not be sad. Best obediently followed him into the room with his favorite.

 

"Hey Harry, how's it going?"

 

"My incarceration remains unabated."

 

"It's just a precaution. Until you remember who you are."

 

"I know exactly who I am, you wish me to remember who I  was , which is rather medically unsound. You can't simply keep me here in the vague hope that I will magically turn back into who I was prior to the incident."

 

"But." JB finally found a way to jump onto the bed, jumping first onto a chair and then a table and then scrambling onto the bed. Favorite made an "oomph" noise when JB landed on him. "JB!" Best shouted, "down!" JB whined. Down was important and he had to obey. But favorite was distressed and hurt and needed help.

 

"Please don't put yourself out on my account. I have had far less palatable companions than a pug." Favorite assured Best, moving to pet JB. Favorite was a good human. JB laid down on his chest. 

"D'you remember him?"

 

"Should I?"

 

"His name's JB. I got him in training. You had a dog named Mr. Pickles."

 

"I see. So what you're telling me is that in my past life I was a gentleman spy who had a dog named Mr. Pickles."

 

"Yeah."

 

"Well. That's believable."

 

"You had him stuffed and kept him in your bathroom along with like, a million dead butterflies."

 

JB wiggled on favorite's chest and stuck his nose under his chin. Humans made too much noise.

 

"How enchanting. Tell me, how long have we been together?"

 

"Sorry?"

 

"You know far more about myself than I do. Not surprising considering my condition, but you know intimate details of my life and living quarters. Additionally, loss of memory does not cause significant personality shifts so I imagine I was as reticent in the past as I am now, and to top it all off, your dog is sleeping on my chest. Indicating that we are extremely close and comfortable. Also there's the way you look at me."

There was a tray next to the bed with some chicken on it. JB looked at it longingly. On one hand Favorite clearly needed JB’s attention, but on the other hand  chicken.

 

"I don't! I mean we weren't. You were my mentor. We didn't. I mean. We never. You didn't."

 

"Didn't I? How foolish. Clearly my past self was an idiot."

 

"Don't say that." JB looked up. Best human was making distressed noises. "You were the best. You took me in, you gave me a chance. You were.." He choked off and JB got up, torn between distressed Best and hurt Best's favorite. "You'll remember. We'll take care of you and everything will go back to the way it should have been."

 

"My dear boy." Favorite put a restraining hand on JB's back. "I am an internationally wanted hit man who slaughtered a church full of bigots and systematically hunted and killed the various parasites that have tried to rise to power in the wake of an aborted Armageddon. Nothing will ever be the same as it was."

 

Best was crying. JB leapt for him, was caught, and held against Best's chest.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Errol's full name is Goodboy Bindle Featherstone of Quirm, but his work name is Errol so that's what JB calls them because they are serious working dogs. Also because Goodboy Bindle Featherstone of Quirm is a silly name. JB knows who the good boy is. It's him. Best human always says so.


End file.
